Excerpt:
{Passage where Character A reflects on how Character B has changed}
Comment:
This is your reason/relevancy to why [Character A] is scrolling [through Character B's social media]. He's trying to find out what happened to the [Character B] he once knew. When exactly he changed. Filter all the info you include about what [Character A] discovers about [Character B] through that reason. Show us why each post you tell us about is important to that reason. i.e. Does [a new habit] seem odd because [it contradicts who Character B used to be]? An example of where you did this well is [the change in weather]. It shows how [Character B] had to evolve to survive in this new place. It shows how he's had to sacrifice and how it's hardened him to be who he is today.
Excerpt:
{A line of dialogue followed by a tag and a phrase that both signal the speaker's tone}
Comment:
Some craft advice here: many authors write with too many adverbs/dialogue tags that tell the reader something that should be shown. It is absolutely okay to use dialogue tags occasionally, but don't rely on them to do the heavy lifting of a vital part of a scene such as its emotional impact. For example, here you tell us that [Character] interrogated, [adverbial phrase explaining his tone]. "Interrogated" already suggests what the [adverbial phrase] states, so it isn't necessary. Also, as the reader, I would also prefer that you show me what makes his tone interrogative instead of relying on that tag. i.e. [Character] asked, his eyes flitting over the room like he'd find [evidence] hidden in it. (See how this makes you feel his suspicion?)
Excerpt:
{[An unordinary object] hangs at his side, casual as a [everyday object]}
Comment:
You have good determining comparisons throughout, but here you take an extra step and define what makes it work, making it repetitive and less effective. No one would take a second look at a [everyday object] at someone's side because it is exactly what you said, casual. So, you don't need to state what is already implied. Trust your reader to understand and let the simile do its job. Write is as follows: The [unordinary object] hangs at his side like a [everyday object].